Happy to work out on my birthday
I was slicing raw beets today, and I found myself remembering three years ago when bearing down on a hard surface like this made my shoulder and arm ache. My body went through a rough time in my 50s, with illness and surgeries and post-surgical problems. When the pain finally stopped and I was able to move through an ordinary day, I decided it was time to improve my physical self–while I still could.
So on the last day of December 2008, I joined a local gym, SNAP Fitness. (The timing wasn’t about a New Year’s resolution but about a coupon that expired at midnight.) This is where I met trainer Diane DeFuria. Ever patient and ever precise, Diane helped me reverse my body’s physical disintegration and brought me into a world I’d never known, where working out was physically and intellectually challenging, rewarding, and revitalizing. So it seemed only fitting that I celebrate my 60th birthday with a training session.
Yes, 60. If you’ve read my blog recently, you know that two months ago I was fearful of this birthday, feeling weighed down by the new number and all the uncertainties about aging.
I’m happy to report that between the original blog and my birthday, I changed. I stopped feeling fearful and started feeling curious (what would the new decade bring?). I stopped feeling mournful and started feeling excited (what can I do in a fresh new decade?). I stopped feeling old and started feeling healthy (not bad for 60!).
So there I was on my birthday, training with Diane and ready to move full steam ahead. I felt strong. I felt directed. I felt eager.
Then Diane told me she would not be working at the gym after January 1st.
Whoa! Wait a minute—what’s going on? Here I thought everything was in place for me to surge ahead, embrace my 60s, continue on my path. I hadn’t planned on Diane’s exit.
Thus my 60s started with a challenge:
adjust to change…adapt to unexpected circumstances…face a loss you wouldn’t have chosen.
Throughout my lifetime I have been weak on change. I have fought it, delayed it, ignored it, and suffered through it. I have spent more than a few therapy hours on the topic.
I have stories from my 20s, 30s, 40s, and 50s where I held on to what always worked (even after it stopped working) and resisted letting go.
Yet suddenly, in the blush of turning 60, I didn’t react in my old way. I didn’t panic, didn’t withdraw into a mournful hole, didn’t catastrophize or dramatize. I felt some shock, certainly surprise, and I knew this was a big deal (Diane is a fantastic trainer for me, and her role in my renewal cannot be overstated). But I didn’t think her leaving was going to be the end of my workouts or the end of my progress. I would survive, and even thrive.
Endings are real and should be acknowledged. But they also are transitions—one thing ends and another thing begins. Who knows what beginning this ending is leading to?
Losing Diane at the gym was not the birthday present I would have requested. But being able to cope with an unexpected change without losing my balance—that is one of the best gifts I could get. It may have taken 60 years to receive it, but it was worth the wait.
Diane and Judy, post training session
Questions for Reflections: Have unexpected changes come to you this year? How have you reacted to them and what have they brought into your life?
Writing Prompts: “My typical way of coping with change is ______” (then keep writing); “When I read this, the change that comes to mind is ______” (then keep writing); “I had to let go of a key person in my life when ______” (then keep writing).
{ 49 comments… read them below or add one }
Twitter: JulieanneCase
December 26, 2011 at 8:42 am
Ah, yes, the changes. I too have been learning to accept what is. Changes are part of what is. Resisting changes is resisting what is and that leads to stress, which leads to health issues. Change is always for the good if we but accept and look forward to the inherent gift.
Julieanne Case
Always from the heart!
Reconnecting you to your Original Blueprint, Your Essence, Your Joy| Healing you from the Inside Out |Reconnective Healing | The Reconnection| AgeLoc Skin Care | Pharmanex Supplements
http://thereconnectivehighway.com
Julieanne Case recently posted..Easy Healthy Recipe for Boneless Chicken Breasts
You always seem to really get this, Julieanne! I’ve struggled much in the past, but I’m definitely experiencing this change differently. You are absolutely correct about how resisting change makes it harder to see the potential benefits. All we see is our own anxiety.
Twitter: JulieanneCase
December 26, 2011 at 8:58 am
I work at getting it. Sometimes I resist changes until I remember that resisting causes the stress, the worry, the angst and it doesn’t change the outcome. We have to learn that everything happens for a reason and we don’t have control of the timeline. We do have control over how we will react though!
Julieanne Case recently posted..Easy Healthy Recipe for Boneless Chicken Breasts
Twitter: fromABroad
December 26, 2011 at 11:08 am
Wow Judy you never fail to inspire.
Looking at your change of mindset from fearful to a more expansive mindset reminds us that sometimes a tiny shift can make all of the difference.
Maybe this change has happened because you are really for someone who will push you in a different way. Remember the biggest mountain to climb is getting out of a rut!
Wishing you strength and inspiration for the challenge and growth of a new era!
Laine D,
http://www.ThoughtsfromABroad.net
Laine D recently posted..Focus – Everything In Its Own Time
Laine, I suspect like any change, there are multiple factors influencing our reaction. Even with a real loss (as this is), there is potential for gain as well. I must say I am encouraged by the positive and enthusiastic attitude that has–in general–taken over me and allowed me to welcome my 60s! I’m definitely looking forward to 2012.
Twitter: ImogenRagone
December 26, 2011 at 11:13 am
First, I love the way you changed from resisting turning 60 to embracing it, and then the way you have handled the challenge of your trainer leaving your gym. We are such creatures of habit (including those ones that do not serve us well) and change can be scary. I’m sure your three years of working out with your trainer have stood you in good stead to either “go it alone” or have laid a great foundation to work with someone new. It is all good. I agree with Julieanne’s comment that, while we cannot control everything that happens, we can control how we react. One unexpected change for me this year is that I am now blogging too! Believe me, I never thought that would happen! And so far I am loving it.
Twitter: susanberland
December 26, 2011 at 12:04 pm
Welcome to the 60′s! Life just keeps getting better, doesn’t it! I agree, change has not always been my forte but I am much better at going with the flow. I am making changes this year instead of waiting for change to happen and am very excited about what’s to come. What I love is knowing that I’m never too old to change and grow and life is ever evolving and always exciting!
Susan Berland
A Picture’s Worth
http://susan-berland.com
Susan Berland recently posted..More about sharing photos with Linea
Susan, You sound like the voice of “60′s” experience! I love having role models, especially enthusiastic ones. I definitely want to create change rather than waiting for it–a good goal for the coming year. Hope to join you in many changes.
Twitter: htinocogiraldo
December 26, 2011 at 2:40 pm
You can’t set goals unless you know where you’re going, and you need to know who you are to know where you’re going in life. And you ‘ve found the answer!!! Never is to old to Change
Hi Harry, I certainly want to change no matter how old I get. Thanks for the inspirational message–and welcome to the site.
I got a real kick out of this post dear Judy. I find that the vast majority of people are resistant to change of any kind. I find that interesting because I have always been the opposite. As an actor I had no choice but to accept constant change. Since Jon and I retired it drives me crazy that we can’t just do whatever we want wherever we want. The dogs limit us because there are so few places that will accept two large dogs. So we can’t even move around to different apartments.
I’m glad that, at 60, you are willing to accept some change in your life. I hope when I turn 60 in a couple of years, I will be able to accept NOT having change in my life. Funny huh?
Anyway, I loved this post because I totally GET it only in reverse.
I would love it if you would share your brilliant posts with Austin’s Bloggers. It is totally up to you. I shared your post about Atticus without asking because I was so caught up in the emotion of it. I won’t presume to do that again. Because many of the members of this group are published authors, it would be great if they could see your work. They don’t necessarily blog but they do read and make insightful comments. Just a thought.
Love,
Bill Austin Howe
bill austin howe recently posted..My way of thinking/ Charlie and his sweater
Bill, i was actually thinking about posting this on Austin’s Bloggers because you were one of the people who chided me about fearing my birthday! I wanted to let you know I had gotten over my anxiety and found a much better view of the future! So yes, I will post there as well. As for being 60, I will be happy to welcome you when you arrive.
Funny you should describe how the dogs determine certain options in your life. It’s like having children. We have just one cat, but it’s hard to be spontaneous sometimes because getting her to boarding is a project and she’s got kidney disease so needs extra care. Of course, these animals are so important in life, we wouldn’t want to do without them.
Thanks for continuing the loving support, Bill. See you soon on your blogger page!
Twitter: MosaicTutoring
December 26, 2011 at 5:31 pm
You go, Judy! First let me say that I think it’s so great you’ve been training. Weight bearing exercise is so important for us women. What a great gift your trainer has been and how wonderful that you are able to handle her departure with confidence and aplomb. Kudos to you!
Thanks, Cory. You know the power of a great teacher because you strive to be one in your work with children. And yes, I love the weight training!
Judy, I took my picture with one of ‘my’ trainers at my Pilates studio at the last session I attended just before my 60th birthday. It’s been so validating to come enthusiastically to exercise…and see/feel the benefits. Alas, my special person is moving on from the studio as well. An adjustment, but, oh well. Her life wasn’t really about me, even though for some hours of many weeks, it seemed like it was.
I’m so glad to read how you’ve prepared and embraced the new age. I told you it would be ok. Thank you for yet another amazing reflection. Wishing you an amazing year! Gayle
Hi Gayle, You did, indeed, tell me it would be o.k. – and it is! I remember you talking about the odometer changing, an image that stuck with me. I’ve thought about that quite often. As for exercise, little did I know how much I would love it. Having a trainer has really opened doors for me. Thanks for the encouragement as I made my way to 60 and now that I’m there.
Twitter: maureenabivins
December 26, 2011 at 6:35 pm
Love your story, Judy! Our body’s capacity to renew and recover is so amazing. It really begins in the mind and our belief about what is possible can make all the difference. I’m so glad you are out of pain. This year has held some unexpected surprises for me professionally. Instead of getting easier with time, I find my situation to be more challenging than ever. I do feel a certain weight on me that always lifts when I start moving. I enjoy walking, pilates, and exercise.
Maureena Bivins, PhD
Acupuncture & Somatic Therapy
http://maureenabivinsphd.com
Curious. Comitted. Compassionate.
What do you look for in a health care provider?
Maureena, I imagine you are very tuned into the body with the work you do. I’m late to the game of really knowing my body, but I am so grateful to be in process now. Best wishes with the challenges you are facing. I have no doubt I will face my own in the year to come, but I’m ready!
My typical way of dealing with change is to resist it, and then work through it. I tend to believe that sometimes it takes longer to embrace change if you know it’s coming then when it happens unexpectedly. You show grace in dealing with change and attack it head on without flinching!! I love it. I feel like I’m hitting a milestone birthday in a few months, and been contemplating what changes I’d like to enact on my own. You’ve definitely inspired me to continue thinking to find my place for the next 10 years.
Jennifer, Wishing you the best with your own changes as you approach a milestone birthday. I think these milestones can be a real gift–inspiring us to think in new ways!
Twitter: fierceover50
December 27, 2011 at 8:57 am
I love this post as i too am struggling a bit as I near the mid 50 range. The number itself does not bother me but the fact that I am aging does. This is something i need to come to terms with and i know the resistance is futile (as they say) Your post inspires me to face these issues head on and the understand that change is good even if and when we don’t expect it
Julie Labes recently posted..5 Reasons To Consider A River Cruise
Hi Julie, I’ve written about aging before–it’s definitely been on my mind! But although I faced some fear a while back, I can honestly say I’m feeling a lot better now and much more excited about moving ahead. I’m sure I’ll bump up against fear and resistance again (who doesn’t?) but I also have confidence I can move through it. Glad to have you back commenting and blogging!
Twitter: vickidellojoio
December 27, 2011 at 1:10 pm
Thanks for holding the beacon for me, Judy, as I’m right on your heels to turn 60 (in April). I think it is beautiful and brilliant how quickly you pivoted your attention/energy from dropping into a victim mind set to one of curiosity and growth. Inspiring as always.
Vicki Dello Joio recently posted..Christmas Dilemma: How To Stop Stress
Vicki, I’m discovering all sorts of wonderful people who are joining the group of us in our 60s, so I’ll have the welcome mat out for you. I am so excited to be feeling free and not burdened by those fears. From where I am sitting, 60 looks full of promise!
Twitter: WendeeNeilson
December 27, 2011 at 1:58 pm
Beautifully written Judy and Happy 60th to you. You look fabulous.
I used to fear change myself and that was evident in my years of chronic illness. Even when I began to accept and embrace change, I’d meet people who would tell me how they can’t change, they are stuck in old ways or I’m just too old for change. Which is absolutely non-sense because we are the programmers of our lives and we can do and be anything we set out to do.
With all the changes I have made, I absolutely love change, it’s about letting go of the old and bringing in something new and refreshing. Releasing ourselves from some attachement that no longer serves a purpose. I saw a quote today from one of my favorite people, Rhonda Brittan, she said in so many words, “If you are feeling sad, you are getting ready to let something go.”
Wendee Neilson recently posted..HERO
Wendee, It’s wonderful that you’ve come to love change! Maybe I can get to that point too, although for now it’s enough that I’m excited about this one change. There are many attachments that I feel myself beginning to release, and I honestly believe this is going to be a time when I do a lot of that work. I don’t know Rhonda Brittan (but I’ll look her up), but I agree about the sadness before letting something go. I believe strongly that there is loss when we let go, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a good letting go. Just that we are saying good bye to something, perhaps something outdated that we’ve clung to. Great to have your comment!
There have been many milestones of change in my life, as I know is true for most of us! and I am not one that usually likes it very much. I have a need to feel secure, and when changes happen I lose that sense of feeling “safe”. But, as I reached the 60 year mark and then passed it, I have found myself to be less surprised by changes (they seem to be happening more frequently for some reason!), and more able to adjust to them — a survival technique, I think! It’s lovely for me to read how you embraced changes and overcame fears and are even stronger now than before; it is so encouraging to know that someone else can overcome because it gives me hope for my own ability to do so! Thank you for sharing your experiences, Judy!
Donna, I’ve truly been a “safety first” kind of person all my life, so to be excited about change and moving into it without kicking and screaming really is new. And it means we are capable of growing–all of us! I’m actually happy to join you in the group of 60-year-olds, which obviously has some terrific people in it! Thank you for all the posts you have read and the comments you’ve made, through which you’ve shared of yourself so deeply. Wishing you a wonderful, changed-filled 2012!
My typical way of dealing with change is…to be so focussed on the direction I was heading in that I notice change after it already happened, not as it is coming. Oops!
When I read this, the change that comes to mind is… Envy that you took control of a structured and methodical approach to your personal training!
I had to let go of a key person in my life when the family of my daughter’s BFFs moved off our street. They did not go far but it was so nice for all of us when the kids could just roll from house to house all day long.
Abigail Gorton recently posted..Just Do It!
Hi Abigail, You must move through change well to not notice until it’s there! As for my personal training, I did make a very conscious decision to get involved in my exercise program and commit to it seriously. I honestly wasn’t sure when the next good chance would come if I didn’t grab hold of this one. I’m so grateful I did, because the effect has been profound. I’m particularly grateful for the three years I’ve had at the gym with this trainer. Having to let go of people who’ve been important is difficult, but it doesn’t make me regret the relationship in the first place. I’m sure you can relate. Sounds like the family who moved away provided some really nice times for you.
Twitter: salvatier
December 28, 2011 at 12:17 am
I commend you on a job well done. Change is difficult, even for those of us who don’t shy from it. My change came in the form of being a business owner. It has had its ups and downs, to say the least. It has been rewarding and a curse (it felt like at times), but it’s my job and I’m very good at it. I still deal with the kinks, but after two years I can say I have a good handle on it. Could I use some more clients or specifically more clients with larger wallets? Absolutely. I’m working towards and hoping for the best.
Dennis Salvatier recently posted..Merry Christmas from Tanoshiboy!
Hi Dennis, If you have created your own business you obviously have coped with change and uncertainty–so I am sure you will have more good things to come. I’m learning and hope to continue to do so as well! Happy New Year!
Hi Judy! Thank you for this inspirational post. Most of us fear of getting old but we can’t avoid this. We only need some securities by the time we’re no longer able to work and earn for ourselves. Your post made me accept and ready to face the old age.
new farm dentist recently posted..Welcome to Envisage Dental Studio
Hello, and thank you for the comment! I’m sure that as we age we will go through many periods, some fearful and some accepting. But I am glad to be in a place right now where I am more excited and ready to keep growing.
Twitter: ourlittlebooks
December 28, 2011 at 2:33 pm
You’re so young- 60 ain’t nothing! But it certainly is the beginning of everything to come. Although I’ve always been ok with change, I think I’ve had more changes in the past few years since I hit 60 than before, so even I was hard pressed to go with the flow. But I always believe that change just makes us smarter, better looking, and younger… so keep it coming!
Candace Davenport
http://www.ourlittlebooks.com ~ Little Books with a Big Message
Candace Davenport recently posted..Guest Post Wednesday – Authors: Take a look at yourself…
Candace, Well I love those words “you’re so young!” But honestly, part of what has changed is that I don’t feel the need to be someone’s definition of young! I do love hearing from people who are leading the way and are such terrific examples (that’s you!) I had so many changes in my 50s, maybe it prepared me for this moment of feeling more free.
Twitter: FranziskasSP
December 29, 2011 at 7:12 am
How awesome Judy! You always bring the most surprising stories on your blog. I love your honesty and how you face your fears or let’s say how you grew and learned to face them.
Happy birthday!!! I know I missed it but it’s never too late to send happy and cheerful wishes
To a happy, strong and fulfilled new year, on your birthday and for 2012!
Franziska San Pedro
The Abstract Impressionist Artress
Franziska San Pedro recently posted..Mein erster Blogpost auf Deutsch
Twitter: keepupweb
December 30, 2011 at 9:03 am
Being able to cope and have a positive outlook is a wonderful accomplishment Judy. Congratulations on achieving this mindset. I too turned 60 this year but unlike when I turned 40 (and took a week vacation so that no one would remember it was my birthday), I embraced it. Somewhere along the line, I’ve developed an attitude where I look at change as either an opportunity or a challenge. Thankfully, this year hasn’t held any surprises for me but as they come at us, we need to look at them and figure out a course of action. Let us know how you make out with your new trainer and best wishes for a happy, healthy and rewarding 2012.
Sherryl Perry recently posted..End of the Year Recap – a Time to Reflect
Thank you for your good wishes, Sherryl, and I’m so pleased to be with you in the 60s club! Terrific people in this decade. I am late to “embracing change” but quite excited about it. I look forward to working with you in the year ahead around some of the changes I see for myself.
Twitter: louiseedington
December 30, 2011 at 9:53 pm
Getting back to health and fitness is on my agenda for this year. Not as a New Years Resolution but as an overall shift in my life as I step out on my own in business. I usually embrace change but any change in my exercise routine throws me off and I grind to a halt so I admire you for your determination to continue. This past year has held a few surprises and I’m glad to say I rolled with them – other than letting my weight and health slide somewhat so thanks for the encouragement to reverse that!
Louise Edington
Breaking Through Online Frontiers
http://louiseedington.com
Louise, I remember you used to post on Tuesdays about fitness and health! I think many of us over time have periods of engagement and then disengagement–and then back again–with exercise. This period is the longest where I’ve stayed fully committed, and it is a pleasure to feel the benefits. I wish you the healthiest, fittest, and most focused New Year!
Judy, I came to your post from the link from Austin’s Bloggers, and I am so glad for this link. What great comments about change. I was able to relate your comments to many of the things I have been facing, with creeping age being one of them! (I am only a couple years behind you)!
Hi Sandy, Welcome! I love meeting new people who arrive here. I write often about change because it’d been such a challenge for me, and I know that there will be new ones along the way. Hope I can lead the way towards 60 for you!
Twitter: robertssister1
January 2, 2012 at 11:26 am
Judy, You never fail to inspire me with your posts! I also dislike change but absolutely love your attitude about it. You could have chosen to just quit working out or rationalize Diane leaving by saying it’s a sign that you’ve worked out “enough” (I’m pretty good at rationalization). You didn’t do that, though, and you accepted the change! You’re working out inspires me to take better care of my body — how else will I be able to do the caregiving (long term) that I am doing?
Happy for you that you also have come to terms with your 60s. I’ll be asking you for support in 9 years when it’s my turn (50 was tough enough for me but, hopefully, I learned a little something and 60 will be easier).
Trish
http://www.robertssister.com
caregiving. family. advocacy.
Trish recently posted..Another Caregiving Hat
Enjoy your 50s, Trish, and when you make it all the way to 60 I’ll be there to welcome you. You are so right about taking good care of yourself when you are a caregiver. Caregivers often succumb to illness because of the demands they face (I probably don’t have to tell you that). Plus we need you to enjoy being you! I’m excited about moving ahead with my workouts, and I can assure you that working out and exercising add considerable vitality to life.
Twitter: atticusuncensor
January 2, 2012 at 5:08 pm
“face a loss that wouldn’t be chosen” — well, that’s been the last few weeks for me! and that’s a tough one…
I’m so impressed that you were able to receive the news of Diana leaving so gracefully — you must be a grown-up now that you’ve hit 60! lol
I know I’ve told you about my friend Joanna (role model, mentor) who is 75 and the most vibrant, dynamic person I know. You have only great stuff in your future — I know it!
Heidi
http://www.atticusuncensored.com
“commentary to give you paws…”
Heidi & Atticus recently posted..Atticus’s Impact
Heidi, It is such a sweet gift to see you here. I imagine you still have days you’d like to just be in a hole somewhere. Yes, Diane’s leaving is a loss for me. One thing I’ve learned about losses–it’s not a competition. Some are definitely tougher and run deeper than others. I did decide at age 60 that I’d better grow up because otherwise I won’t have enough time to finish the task!! (My subsequent blog dealt a little with that…) Thanks for reminding me about your friend, as I welcome all the amazing model of older women that I can find. Hugs to you, Heidi.
I don’t always like change but I’ve realized that it’s a part of life and it will happen whether I want it to or not.
I’m glad you were able to handle the loss of Diane and not let it stop you from working out. You’ll do awesome on your own!
Thanks for the encouragement, June. I’m actually going to work with a new trainer–and that brings up a whole host of new issues! Loyalty has always been a big theme for me, and working with someone new taps into that. But it’s all part of my “change” journey!