Moving in time and space, a frisbee travels in balance
I am writing this post in bed, limping to the finish line of Week #1, 2012. Has it really been just one week since New Year’s?
Incident 1
For New Year’s Eve my husband and I had an impressive lineup of movies planned (True Grit, The Road, and 127 Hours). But when a key drainage pipe backed up and left water in the basement, we mopped and blotted our way to midnight. I stayed oddly cheerful, buoyed by recent energy towards change and optimism.
“This,” I thought smugly, “is what emotional balance is about.” I felt great, blocked pipe and all.
Incident 2
A few days later I was running errands with great efficiency (in my wonderfully balanced state) and I was pulled over by the police. Turns out my tabs were outdated…uh, six months outdated. I didn’t believe it at first—surely they had fallen off or the Department of Licensing had bungled my application—but the very pleasant policeman convinced me that I had never renewed the tabs. I accepted my fine and drove home, more startled than upset, still relaxed in mood.
Balance! What a great state!
Incident 3
The next day I had a session with a new trainer at my gym. It was a tryout—no commitment—but I was excited and hopeful. Trying something new—that’s what I want!
I worked hard in the session and came home cheerful. Still balanced? Maybe.
The Collapse
Within a short time I started unraveling. My body had strange sensations, aches that didn’t feel right. Had I injured myself? Had the session been a terrible mistake? Had I misjudged myself?
My anxiety soared as every decision I’d ever made was called into question. I paced around and verbalized a host of fears. I rehashed events and my choices, searching for the flaws. Then I put on heavy comfort clothes and huddled in a dimly lit room. I tried to watch my new favorite pleasure, Downton Abbey, but the characters’ lives were too much for me.
In the space of a few hours I’d gone from emotional balance to chaos, to a state of imbalance that threw me back in time. My husband said, “Maybe you should take your own advice and write,” but I felt separate even from writing. I was in another age, another decade, maybe another lifetime. I was lost.
Resolution
By the next morning I had found myself again. My body was fine—with ordinary (and rather pleasant) muscle soreness—and my mind and heart were restored to 2012.
Had my anxiety been a delayed reaction to the previous days’ incidents? Was the reality of change thrown at me more dramatically by the session with the new trainer? Or was it something else entirely, something that has no words and no memory?
The truth is, it doesn’t matter. Emotional regression happens, a dip in time when we forget how to stand upright, when we flail about in a younger or lost-soul self. Those moments do not invalidate us. They just remind us of our human nature, and when they are over, we return to our imperfect adulthood, ready for ordinary life and the next episode of Downton Abbey.
Questions for Reflection: How do you react to your experiences of balance and imbalance? What gives you comfort when you feel emotionally lost? What helps restore you to balance?
Writing Prompts: “My most recent experience of balance was ______” (then keep writing); “I was thrown into imbalance by ______” (then keep writing); “When I am imbalanced I most need ______” (then keep writing).
{ 38 comments… read them below or add one }
Twitter: JulieanneCase
January 9, 2012 at 10:29 am
Great description. Been there and done that. Great recovery too. I’ve had those regressions. Sometimes just getting quiet and telling myself what I tell others. Sometimes talking to a friend and realizing I’m just going through some changes. Sometimes it’s nice to know that you aren’t the only ones that does certain things.
Julieanne Case
Always from the heart!
Reconnecting you to your Original Blueprint, Your Essence, Your Joy| Healing you from the Inside Out |Reconnective Healing | The Reconnection| AgeLoc Skin Care | Pharmanex Supplements
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Julieanne Case recently posted..Relationship Advice: Give Up the Need to be Right
We are not the only ones, Julieanne! Really, the recovery is what counts, however we get there.
Twitter: atticusuncensor
January 9, 2012 at 12:20 pm
“separate from even my own writing…” – been there. done that!
Over the past few weeks I’ve had many moments like the ones you describe, when even huddled in my snuggly clothes and ready for escapism, I’m still unable to shake the malaise or imbalance. I think I know myself pretty well and I’m able to realize when hibernation, without expectation, is the only course as I move through the process. The hard part is self-forgiveness when I feel balanced again and look back at my sloth-like hours or days.
Atticus would say we are always in perfect balance and just where we should be, we just don’t recognize it.
Cheers to a prosperous 2012 and may your encounters with the local PD be few
Heidi & Atticus
http://www.atticusuncensored.com
“commentary to give you paws…”
Heidi & Atticus recently posted..Live with Kelly! (and Me!)
Heidi, That hibernation does serve its purpose! I think I would tell Atticus that there is such a thing as imbalance, but that it has its place in our life stream. But I can’t say I always appreciate the imbalance or its higher purpose. Nor do I necessarily have the patience to sit with myself when that’s all I can do. Here’s to a prosperous 2012 for both us us–and whatever imbalance we have, may it not be associated with police or fines!
Twitter: MosaicTutoring
January 9, 2012 at 1:08 pm
It could’ve been all or none of the things you described, Judy. So many factors go into our state of being each day and most of them are invisible to us. I love how you rebounded the next morning and wrote about it so nicely in this post. We’ve all experienced what you went through. When I find myself in a similar place, I do the following:
1. I try to step outside myself and observe the feelings. I acknowledge that I’m feeling sad or tired or depleted, etc. And then…
2. I remind myself that I won’t feel this way forever, probably not even for another day.
That’s what works for me. Thanks for sharing, Judy!
Twitter: phmomma21
January 9, 2012 at 2:34 pm
Happy New Year Judy:
Boy, do I have days like this. I think the same happens to me after several incidents I get all tense and my body hurts etc.
I hope that you will achieve your goals of balance… I would like to find some of that myself
)
Hugs:o)
Jane ~ mom to Nicole, 17 yo, VSD, PAH, Eisenmengers, BHJS
“If you don’t like something change it, if you can’t change it, change the way you feel about it.”
Twitter: vickidellojoio
January 9, 2012 at 3:04 pm
I laughed reading your blog, Judy, especially about the sorta smug tone about got-it-together-balance. SO know this one.
Another perspective I draw from qigong/taoist practice (along with the “we are all human, and have the ability to rebound” theme) is that every expansion of energy in nature is followed by a contraction. So when your spirit was so expanded and sustained you after several challenges in a row, it makes sense to experience a contraction, whether literally in your muscles or in your attitude. So like night follows da, flowers expand and contract, tides come in and recede, you went into a natural rhythm, which, as I see it, you rode, with grace
Vicki Dello Joio recently posted..Qigong Remedy: A Natural Stress Relief
Your comment about expansion-contraction really speaks to me, Vicki (as so much of your work does). In fact, I know I have experienced that on some level and intuitively understand it. Thanks for putting it into a context for me to grasp it more deeply and bring it to conscious understanding. Guess after that contraction I’m due for some expansion! (And I did get it today as I felt balanced again despite another l-o-n-g plumber’s visit!)
My most recent experience of balance was having a balance diet last Christmas because during Christmas there are a lot of foods in the table and Oh! You know what, all foods on the table were all my favorites! During that time it is hard for me to control and balance bu then I done it!
. I was thrown into imbalance emotionally last week because me and my boyfriend got an issue that we haven’t been experienced before. (such a long story). When I am imbalanced I most need myself and God to overcome those imbalances I had .
Shameka Hennagir recently posted..Timber Doors & Timber Windows, Bifold Doors, Allkind Joinery & Glass Cabinet Maker Brisbane
Hello Shameka, Sounds like you have stories to tell! From Christmas food to boyfriends–plenty of places for imbalance. Thanks for commenting.
Twitter: maureenabivins
January 9, 2012 at 6:47 pm
States of expansion and contraction physically play our in our body everyday. Cognitive and emotional states of expansion and contraction also occur when we move into a new way of experiencing ourselves. And then it happens– what I call the “slingshot effect,” and yes, I’ve experienced it many times and each time it’s just as bewildering. At first I feel pure elation when moving into a new way of being only to be pulled back into a morass of disorganization and chaos. A few days later, I will reach equilibrium again and find myself a step forward from where I had been in the beginning of the metamorphosis. Got to love the fascinating process called LIFE!
Maureena Bivins, PhD
Acupuncture & Somatic Therapy
http://maureenabivinsphd.com
Curious. Committed. Compassionate.
What do you look for in a health care provider?
Maureena, Vicki made some similar comments about expansion and contraction. What you wrote about moving ahead followed by a morass of disorganization – I also know that from the psychoanalytic perspective of development and regression. Lots of wonderful systems that help us think about movement and growth. I do, indeed, love the process, and occasionally I can even remember its truth when I am in the middle of it! I really appreciate your informed comments.
Twitter: ourlittlebooks
January 9, 2012 at 6:59 pm
I think everyone will resonate with this post Judy- I think the only difference is how quickly people rebound out of their down place or down times. For me, it may be giving myself permission to go sit in bed at 6:30 in the evening and just read. I think the important point of your whole episode is that you went with the flow- it may have been uncomfortable because the flow was not pleasant, but you really didn’t fight it. That allowed you to come out the other end much more quickly. And, it got you a blog post!! How cool is that?
Candace Davenport
http://www.ourlittlebooks.com ~ Little Books with a Big Message
Candace Davenport recently posted..3 Reasons Why Becoming a Published Author in 2012 Should Be Your Top Resolution
Candace, I’m not sure I thought of a blog post immediately, but when I realized how imbalanced I had become, the thought crossed my mind. After all, I put my tagline about personal-professional balance, so I have to grab the experiences! But I certainly didn’t start to write until well past the disequilibrium. I do find the hardest thing is to give myself the permission you talk about–just to be, to sit, to stop trying to do something. Very glad to have you back blogging and commenting!
Oh I know that feeling… Cruising along in the zone, until from nowhere, you hit a brick wall. Bham!
Abigail Gorton recently posted..Put that in your Pipeline and Track it: Your Sales Close Ratio
I can tell you get it, Abigail! This made me smile.
Twitter: ImogenRagone
January 10, 2012 at 5:43 am
I can so relate to your story, Judy. Sometimes we are just not in balance, and we SO want to know the reason why. I think this, in some ways, is the hardest thing. We want to be able to assign it to something specific, as if then we will gain control. As another commenter, Cory, said, it may have been the accumulation of all the things you had just been through, or none of them (or just one or maybe two of them – who knows). I think the thing to accept is that the sense of being in balance may come and go, but it will return. So glad you can now enjoy Downton Abbey again (a favorite pleasure of mine too)!
Imogen Ragone recently posted..Feeling Cold, Excess Tension, and the Alexander Technique
Hi Imogene – Learning that we will never know for sure is part of the process. I think often one thing pushes us over the edge but the buildup has been happening. I’m happy to say I’ve moved on! Still enjoying Downton Abbey very much!
Twitter: cherylmcdonaldc
January 10, 2012 at 9:30 am
art brings me back to center. I can always tell when it has been too long since my last creative session. Nothing makes any sense. Being creative on behalf of others helps as I do that everyday, however sometimes it just takes a road trip off the beaten path camera and watercolors in hand. Thanks for sharing your process!
I can tell how much of an artist you are, Cheryl. I also find that too much distance between me and creativity can lead to imbalance. Thanks for your comment, and I’m looking forward to getting to know you and your work.
Twitter: brendamjones
January 10, 2012 at 6:20 pm
I am either comfortable being imbalanced, or I’m finally finding some emotional balance in my life. Not sure which, and not sure I care to dig further as all is “good” right now. There was a lot of imbalance while hubby was in school. Now the emotions swing every month that my cycle starts… signaling another month I didn’t get pregnant. But, many of those months, it as actually been for the best as I’d find out right after that there was a good reason I wasn’t yet pregnant. So I carry on, comfortable that everything is playing out for the reasons they are meant to. I’ve given up wanting control and that has kept me more even keel. I’ve never heard of Downtown Abbey, so now I’m curious…
Brenda Jones recently posted..“Believe” and “Be BOLD” in 2012
Hi Brenda, Learning to give up control is so huge! Control is such an illusion, but we often strive for it nonetheless. Good luck with your goal of pregnancy–may it come at just the right time. Re Downton Abbey – it’s a British show, much like a soap opera! Great characters and multiple story lines, with a strong class divide. Very good!
Twitter: robertssister1
January 10, 2012 at 7:49 pm
Judy, How easy it is to slip into the comfy clothes and dim the lights! It’s also so easy to think that state will last forever, not knowing how you got there but knowing the end of it will never come. Yet the balance does return and things don’t seem so awful. It is interesting when we don’t always know why things get so out of whack but, as you said, it may be a combination of everything you wondered about.
Everyone has off days (or weeks, months) and it’s important to just recognize it as a temporary state and that things will get better.
I’m curious if not renewing your tags shook you up more than you thought. Was it something you forgot or did you just not get the paperwork? I get particularly shook up if I don’t remember something because I am so acutely sensitive about the possibility of the decline of brain function (whether real or imagined). No matter what it was that got you into the funk, I’m happy you found your way out of it and are feeling more balanced.
Trish
http://www.robertssister.com
caregiving. family. advocacy.
Trish recently posted..Garage Conversion — On hold (for now)
Trish, I admit I didn’t like that something went wrong with the tags, but I believe the bigger issue for me was having a session with a new trainer. It signaled change, the loss of my other trainer, and the uncertainty of something new. I am actually excited about working with someone new as I think he’ll offer me something different, but I don’t go easily into that new territory! Also, there are a lot of loyalty issues that get stimulated for me (loyalty to someone who’s helped me a lot) and fear. I’ve got lots that can imbalance me!
Twitter: keepupweb
January 11, 2012 at 9:18 am
Judy, You are a wonderful writer. As I read this, I went from laughing at the image of having to deal with a plumbing issue (while your carefully laid out plans for New Year’s Ever were tossed aside) to wanting to sit down with you over a cup of coffee (or tea… or glass of wine) and offer a hug. The good news is you have people in your life who are there for you. Good luck with 2012! There will be bumps but I think your new coping mechanisms are serving you well.
Sherryl Perry recently posted..How to Balance Traditional and Social Marketing Strategies
Thanks, Sherryl. I think we will long remember New Year’s Eve and early 2012! I appreciate your wanting to give a hug–I probably could have used it! But I’m happy that I’ve been able to move ahead from my imbalance–and be present for the continuing plumbing saga!
Twitter: jenniferpeek
January 11, 2012 at 1:45 pm
Emotional regression is a great description! Like your week, I find that it often occurs after a series of seemingly small incidents that just add up. For me, it usually the additive nature – not one event – that creates the “collapse.” Thankfully, it is often quick to retreat!
Jennifer Peek recently posted..Weekly Q+A: Your Business Compass
Balance for me is a wide range of experience and emotions – versus working to achieve a constant state of homeostasis…Thank you for sharing your story!
Twitter: WendeeNeilson
January 11, 2012 at 5:49 pm
This is wonderful Judy. I couldn’t help but laugh. Not sure that was the intended purpose, but I so related to you. Cheerfully accepting the ticket, what composure you had. It’s amazing how the body mends when you give yourself time and rest. I love how you were not holding onto the negative things that were happening.
I’m learning to react better to stuff when it happens that kind of throws me off my game. Mostly just breathing deeply or walking away and not judging myself either way.
Wendee Neilson recently posted..Intentions
Wendee, I did mean for some humor. After all, I was so proud of myself! The minute ego builds and we are full of compliments to ourselves, we can get reminded of our vulnerabilities. I am, however, very pleased that I wasn’t harsh towards myself about the ticket. Something happened, who knows what. But it was a gift to be able to move ahead with a positive attitude.
Twitter: susanberland
January 11, 2012 at 8:45 pm
What I love most about this post is this: “Those moments do not invalidate us. They just remind us of our human nature, and when they are over, we return to our imperfect adulthood, ready for ordinary life…”
This is part of life. We have those moments and we don’t have to let them throw us. This is a great reminder of that.
Susan Berland
A Picture’s Worth
http://susan-berland.com
Susan Berland recently posted..Organize your digital photos for easy access
Thank you, Susan. The lines you quoted were important to me as well. Learning to appreciate how imperfect we are and how ordinary life progresses has been such a valuable life lesson for me.
I think we have all been there Judy. We can be fine in the moment then later on it hits us. It’s important not to let them take control and keep us down. I find a good Suduku puzzle (and some chocolate
can help get me back in balance.
June, It’s clear we all have our private pleasures that help soothe us. I’m sure you aren’t alone about chocolate–the all purpose solution!
Twitter: FranziskaSP
January 14, 2012 at 7:09 pm
Hi Judy,
welcome 2012 !
I am sorry about the flood and all the other stuff…
Sometimes, it goes so quick; the way we feel in one second completely turns around in the next. I’ve had some of these moments more than I wanted in the last week. (I thought) I was in perfect balance and then I realized that I was pretending for way too long and I was tired of always being strong.
I’d usually have a perfect smile on my face, showing weakness isn’t something I do -I even trick myself and believe I am just fine.
Good to be a human being and feeling the pain once in a while otherwise we wouldn’t know the difference to the happy times!
Hugs,
Franziska
Franziska San Pedro recently posted..What to Make With an Old Window Frame
Franziska, You are so right–often we feel obligated to look like everything’s A-OK when what we really need is to feel some pain. But I hope it wasn’t long-lasting or too awful. Are you ok??
Twitter: salvatier
January 16, 2012 at 12:54 pm
Way to go, Judy! I’m glad that you were able to overcome the obstacle. Life, as you know, is full of them. I’ve had my share personally and as a professional small business owner. There are times you wonder where have all your efforts gone.But like you, we just have to push and see what the morning brings.
Dennis Salvatier recently posted..Your Design Needs a Facelift
Thanks, Dennis. You always have a positive spirit and plan for moving ahead.